Advice and Life Lessons for Adolescents and Young Adults
From a Sweet Friend
December 31
Dear Raven,
2011 is almost over with. Do you have anything you regret, achieved or will always cherish about this year??
Dear Friend,
I regret not accomplishing all the goals I set for myself. I achieved gaining more wisdom and courage (not much, but some) and I'll cherish the new friends I've made. All that corny stuff. Thank You and Happy New Year!
Sincerely,
Raven
Afraid To Speak Up
Dear Raven,
I have a problem with being [too] nice to people. I tend to let my "friends" run over me and take advantage of me. I feel like if I don't do certain things for them I end up [losing] my social life. I let them convince me into driving them all over the world with out any thing in return. I don't ask for gas money because I don't want them to get upset because I never asked before so why now? I just get upset because I do so much for people, but when I'm down and depressed [no one] is really there any more. [S]o my question to you is, what should I do when I know I'm being used, but am [too] afraid to speak up?
Dear Down and Depressed,
The only way to see results is by speaking up to your friends. Maybe the next time they ask you for a ride, you could hint and say something like, 'Oh, I just don't have the gas money right now.' If your friends have licenses, ask if you can ride with them sometimes and then you give them gas money. This way you'll be leading by example-they're bound to return the favor the next time you're in the driver seat. Or you could take the next step and have a one-on-one conversation with them. Tell them that you feel used and that you think it's unfair that you drive them around without any assistance towards gas money. In all honesty, it's rude of them not to contribute-even if you've never required it before. If that's still too difficult, perhaps you could call them on the phone-it's less intimidating than a face-to-face encounter. Either way, you have to express your feelings to them and do so in a calm and collected manner-never lose your temper. Also, are you sure that no one is ever really there for emotional support? It's quite possible that your friends are unaware of how you're feeling. How can you expect consoling when you never let them know you need it in the first place? Just remember that it's perfectly OK to say NO sometimes. Some of your friends may be offended-in this case you must give them time to cool off and reassure them that you never meant to hurt them. Your true friends will be the ones that stick around. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Raven
